Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
