So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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