There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
