my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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