Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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