sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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