I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
