Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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