He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
