ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
