I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
