when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
