i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my being single is dangerous.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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