come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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