Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
