i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
