Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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