i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
