So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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