We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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