OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I enjoy the company of your penis
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
