Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
