Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
