What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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