Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
did i walk over a car last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
