he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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