im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
