Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
