i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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