i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
