cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
