This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
