and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
