remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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