I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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