shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
