there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
