its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
