The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
