You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I intend to get homeless drunk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
