I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
