Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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