just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
