Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
