Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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