So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
