I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
