Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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