so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
