so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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