im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I didn't notice because vodka
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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