well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
