Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
