People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
