Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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