If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Rumble strips road head = magical
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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