duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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