No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
