even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
