Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
