i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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