Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
