capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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