I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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