textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize