I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
