I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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