It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
