We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dear god my vagina.
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