What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My feet surprised me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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