It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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